Monday, December 6, 2010

The Anticipation of Today

Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think. Ok, I lay in bed and think every night. Sometimes, though, I can't sleep because I think so much. Most of the time this is the case, it's because I'm excited about some upcoming event. These events can be anything: seeing a certain person, traveling somewhere, a holiday, a sporting event, turning in a big assignment, a forecasted storm, a trip to the temple, wondering what event will make the next day significant, etc. I used to hate that I had trouble falling asleep at night. Then I realized the reason.

I'm very grateful that I have things in my life that I look forward to often enough to make sleeping seem burdensome. Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping. There are few feelings in the world better than going to bed and not setting an alarm, pure bliss. At the same time, I'm so blessed to have people and events in my life that I love more than sleep. People occupy the majority of my thoughts. Even the events are usually centered around people.

With the Christmas season upon us, I've been thinking about people more. I've been trying to figure out how I can make someone's life better. I think that's what the Christmas season is about, at least to me. That's what Christ would do if he were here, and that's whose birth I'm celebrating. With Christ it was always about people, and I want to be like Him. That's what I've been thinking about lately when I should be sleeping.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Today's Quest: 1000 push-ups

So I do this from time to time. Throughout the course of the day, I am attempting to do 1,000 push-ups. I usually average about 200/day, so 1,000 shouldn't seem like that much of a long shot, but after about 600 my arms feel like rubber. I'll keep updating with my current status for those that would like to follow along/cheer me on/belittle my efforts/trash talk/or any other option you can think of.

Current push-up count: 1,000

1:26 p.m. - 600 push-ups.
3:36 p.m. - 700 push-ups. I'm definitely slowing. It's gone from sets of 50 to sets of 10.
5:31 p.m. - 800 push-ups. Every set is a struggle now. My arms are hurting even when I'm not doing pushups.
7:45 p.m. - 900 push-ups. It's all will power from here on out.
11:53 p.m. - 1,000 push-ups. My chest and shoulders are on fire. Tomorrow is gonna be bad. I did it, though! 1,000 push-ups in a day. Booyah! It hurts so good!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Today I'm Grateful for...

The soundtrack to Les Miserables. It speaks to my soul.

The talk "Of things That Matter Most" by President Uchtdorf.
"Yet amidst the multitude of voices and choices, the humble Man of Galilee stands with hands outstretched, waiting. His is a simple message: "Come, follow me." And He does not speak with a powerful megaphone but with a still, small voice. It is so easy for the basic gospel message to get lost amidst the deluge of information that hits us from all sides."

One of my favorite talks ever, "Brightness of Hope", by Elder Maxwell
"Hope helps us walk by faith, not by sight. This can actually be safer. When unaided spiritually, natural sight often shrinks from the odds. It is immobilized by improbabilities. Mauled by his moods and intimidated by his fears, the natural man overreacts to, while hope overrides, the disappointments of the day."

The rainy-ness of today. There's a surrealness, a heaven-and-earth-meeting feeling, when the weather matches your mood.


Friday, November 5, 2010

Today I'm grateful for...


The warmth on a beautiful fall day.

The chance I have to be at school.

The two granola bars that have been my sustenance.

The uneasy optimism of the unknown.

The anticipation of a great weekend of sports.

Unconditional love, in all its manifestations.

Unwaveringly loyal friends.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Hope is the Hero's Domain

I love quotes, and I love reading. I was recently looking through some old quotes I had written down from books I've read. Here are two that I especially loved:

"...as ordinary as we might be, we can, if we choose, take the harder road, walk forth bravely under the indifferent stars. We can hazard the ravages of chance. We can choose to endure what seems unendurable, and thereby open up the possibility of prevailing. We can awaken to the world as it is, and, seeing it with eyes wide open, we can nevertheless embrace hope rather than despair. When all is said and done... hope is the hero’s domain and not the fool’s. Because we dare to hope—even when doing so might undo us—we leave the worlds we create behind us, swirling in our wakes, eternal and effervescent with the beauty of our aspirations.”

-Daniel James Brown, The Indifferent Stars Above

“You have to study and learn so that you can make up your own mind about history and everything else but you can’t make up an empty mind. Stock your mind, stock your mind. It is your house of treasure and no one in the world can interfere with it. If you won the Irish Sweepstakes and bought a house that needed furniture would you fill it with rubbish? Your mind is your house and if you fill it with rubbish from the cinemas it will rot in your head. You might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace.

-Frank McCourt, Angela's Ashes


And this is why I love reading.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Am I excited for General Conference?

Does a one-legged duck swim in a cirlce?! Yes, I'm excited. Very excited. I love General Conference more than warm chocolate chip cookies and a giant glass of cold milk. Questions will be answered, the spirit will be felt, and life will be better.

I didn't always love conference as much as I do now, though. I remember growing up, the reason I loved conference was because I didn't have to put church clothes on and go to church. I got to lay on my couch in whatever clothes I wanted, curl up with my favorite blanket, and sleep for two good hours. Then I would wake up, have a delicious meal, and promptly retire to the same couch for another uninterrupted two-hour nap. When I started to get a little older, my mom started interrupting my naps periodically, but they were still delightful. That all changed one year.

I was a sophomore in high school. At this point in my life I was making a slightly more diligent effort to stay awake, but I was by no means the model conference watcher. I went to the Priesthood Session with my dad and my brothers as was the tradition. I was already looking forward to our semi-annual Fuddruckers trip after the session. The metal chairs in the back of the dark chapel are much harder to sleep on than my self-contoured couch at home. Plus, I had made a personal commitment not only to stay awake, but to pay attention the whole time. The last three speakers of every Priesthood Session are the First Presidency. At the time, they were Pres. Faust, Pres. Monson, and Pres. Hinckley. I don't remember what Pres. Faust talked about, but I remember being captivated. I couldn't look away. I don't remember a single word he said, but I distinctly remember how I felt. Pres. Monson then spoke about Priesthood Power. I don't remember much of that talk either. I've always loved Pres. Monson's talks, though, and been impressed by his lifelong commitment to the Spirit. Pres. Hinckley spoke about why we do some of the things we do. Again, much of what was said has slipped my memory. I need to go back and review those talks, but their impact changed my life.


I remember watching those three men speak. It all became so clear. They were actually what I had believed all along. They were Heavenly Father's servants on earth. They speak with Him. The impact of this knowledge changed my perspective. There are actually people on earth who receive instruction from Heavenly Father for His church. These instructions were not just for members of the "Mormon" church. These men spoke in behalf of Heavenly Father and He was the Father of everyone on earth. This is why it was so important to my parents and grandparents to watch and pay attention to conference. It was more than something they were "supposed" to do.

This experience changed the way I look at a lot of things. I now look forward to conference. I relish the opportunity to listen. I have no problem staying awake anymore. Answers come and I understand their source now. The talks we get to hear this weekend will provide direction from a Heavenly Father that knows us individually and cares about our individual progress. Booyah! Here's to an amazing conference weekend!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Priesthood

I've been studying President Packer's talk from the last conference for the last couple weeks. It's called "The Power of the Priesthood" and it's got me thinking a lot. It's an incredible talk and I would encourage you all to read it. I've been impressed with how much the Priesthood is about doing the things that Christ would do and standing in His place. Given my writing kick as of late, I wrote a poem about my thoughts on what it means to hold His Priesthood:

To do the things that He would do;
To be aware of the silent few;
To use my hands in His behalf
To bless the wheat and tare and chaff;
To use my strength and heart and time
To aid His children on their climb;
To lift the weary, wandering soul
Closer to Him, that is my role.

To say the things that He would say
Both in my prayers and throughout the day;
To choose my words most carefully
So those who hear know whose I be;
To seek His guidance every day
At work, at school, or at play;
To praise His name, but even more
Let my deeds reflect whom I adore.

To be the places He would be;
To serve His children cheerfully;
If ever I'm inclined to sin
I pray my better part will win;
I promise to devote my days
to build His kingdom in simple ways;
Bearing His priesthood isn't free
And this is what it means to me.

Monday, August 2, 2010

My Pledge

So, I've been thinking a lot lately and been on a bit of a writing kick. Here's the latest:
To live as gently as I can;
To be, no matter where, a man;
To take what comes of good or ill
And cling to faith and honor still;
To do my best, and let that stand
The record of my brain and hand;
And then, should failure come to me
Still work and hope for victory.
To have no secret place wherein
I stoop unseen to shame or sin;
To be the same when I'm alone
As when my every deed is known;
To live undaunted, unafraid
Of any step that I have made;
To be without pretense or sham,
Exactly what men think I am.
To leave some simple mark behind,
To keep my having lived in mind;
If enmity to aught I show,
To be an honest, generous foe,
To play my little part, nor whine
That greater honors are not mine.
This, I believe, is all I need
For my philosophy and creed.

I always want to become better than I am. The effort will always be there. :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

IF

So I memorized this poem recently:

If you can keep you head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or being lied about don't deal in lies,
or being hated, don't give way to hating,
and yet don't look too good nor talk too wise.

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools.

If you make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
and lose, and start again at your beginnings,
and never breathe a word about your loss.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them, "Hold on".

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch;
If neither foe nor loving friend can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the earth and everything that's in it.
And -- which is more -- you'll be a man my son!

I love this poem. This perspective reflects someone who has seen much of life and has gained wisdom from his experiences. I love to focus on one part at a time and see how I fare at that particular quality.

Today I was thinking about the line, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too." In many aspects of my life, this is a strength of mine. I am able to move forward with what I know is right regardless of outside opinions. In my dating life, however, this is a glaring weakness.

Let's put it this way, you don't get to be a single 26 year-old male by being awesome at dating. Questions and self-doubt inevitably creep in. "There's one common denominator in all of these failed relationships...me" is a common refrain. To compound the self-doubt, everyone else seems baffled that I can't seem to get this dating thing down. "You're such a catch!" "You're the type of guy that every mom wants their daughter to marry!" "You're going to make some girl so happy!" "You're the only guy I would let marry my sister!" and my personal favorite, "How are you NOT married?!" I've heard all of these in my life. I know the purpose of all of them is intended to be constructive, and if you have said one of these things to me it was taken how it was intended and I love you. It does, however, make me question what on earth is wrong with me! If I really am as eligible and desirable as everyone seems to think, I must really be screwing something up bad to be riding the single train into my late twenties!

This got me to thinking. It's just as important to trust yourself when no one else doubts you, but make allowance for their praising too. At the end of the day, I only care what two people think about my dating abilities. I talk with one of them every single day about it. His perspective is always refreshing and encouraging. He has my best interest in mind, and I trust His timing and advice above all else. His counsel will only help me get closer to finding the other person. My focus is on becoming rather than finding. I need to become who she wants before I can find who I want.

Someday I'll find her. Oh boy am I excited for that day! I can't wait to feel what it's like to give everything to a relationship and have the other person do the same! I can't wait for the day that I look at her and know she's the one I get to spend eternity with! I can't wait...but I will

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Should We Be Reflectors?


Ok, here goes nothing. You have often heard space described as dark. You look into the night sky and see millions of little white dots surrounded by endless black. It would seem that most of space is empty. Stars and planets are millions of miles apart and the rest of space is empty, right? I disagree. Space if full of light. If you were to put a heavenly body (by this I mean anything that has mass and is floating in space) into space, it would be illuminated. You would be able to see it, would you not? Isn't that what the moon is? The moon does not produce light, it is simply an entity in space. We see it very brightly, however, because light is reflecting off of it. Well, in order for light to be reflecting off of the moon, logic and reason would tell us that the light was there before, it just wasn't reflecting off of anything and, thus, we couldn't see it.

The same logic would apply to the earth and all the other planets. Why can we see Mars from earth? Mars does not produce light. Why could the astronauts take a picture of the earth from space? The earth does not produce light. Let's say for a moment that the earth were 4 million miles further away from the sun, would it still be visible from a space shuttle? Of course it would! Regardless of where we put the earth, light from the sun is still going to reflect off it and make it "visible".


So, space is full of light, but that light is imperceptible unless it is reflecting off something. Is that true? I believe so. On earth, everything we see is only light reflected off an object with mass. Even the sky is light reflecting off our atmosphere. Light is everywhere, but cannot be perceived without objects to reflect off of.

I believe this has a gospel parallel. We often hear Christ referred to as the Light of the World. I think Christ's love is an extension of this light analogy. As we just discussed, light is everywhere. It fills all of space. Light, however, is imperceptible without reflectors. Likewise, Christ's love is manifested through His faithful followers. We are the "reflectors" that make the Light perceptible to those who see the world as a dark void.

I'd love to hear thoughts, rebuttals, and/or other parallels about this thought. What do you think?


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Jesse

It's been a while since my last post. That happens. Sorry.

Jesse is the next in line. He turns 22 on July 22. He's living in Provo and working at Andy Anderson's shop. Trying to describe Jesse in a few paragraphs is going to be very hard, so I'll try and capture at least the biggest things, according to me.



Jesse walks his own path. He'll never do something just because everyone else is doing it, for better or worse. He'll think it through, and choose for himself. He is not easily influenced by the opinion's of others. If I had to, I would designate Jesse as the most fiery sibling. He can have a short temper, but also has a heart of gold. He always has the back of the people he cares about the most. There are few people I would rather have on my side in a fight than Jesse.

Jesse is one of my best friends. We've been playing basketball together for so many years I lost track. Watching Jesse play basketball brings me so much happiness. He plays the game the same way he does everything else, at an energy level unmatchable by most humans. He's in on every rebound, every fastbreak, and all over the floor defensively. We call him the matrix because he's everywhere. It's not that he doesn't get tired, he just doesn't slow down when he does like everyone else. He can push himself further when he's tired than most people I know.



Jesse's a deep thinker. I love talking to him because I often leave with a different point of view on something. He often provides angles that I had left unexamined. I appreciate that a lot. It is my opinion that most people suck at thinking. Jesse is not one of those people. While we don't agree on everything, he thinks a lot and I love it. I actually think the fact that we don't agree on everything as evidence that we both think past the surface. At some point past the surface, our thoughts took a different fork and ended up at different destinations, but the process was the same.

Jesse is also one of the most loyal people I know. He and Matt Nielsen have been best friends since forever. When they were younger, you'd never find one without the other. They're a bit older now, and they may not always be physically together, but they are fiercely loyal. They would do anything for the other and they know it. They are the best friends I know. Seeing their friendship inspires me to be a better friend.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Do I really get to be with them forever?!

I love my family. I've been thinking about them lately. I know, they only live in Springville, and I in Provo, but sometimes I miss them. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, that's for sure. I was looking through some pictures of them recently and laughed and missed and pined.

I won't do this all at once, but I'm gonna write about each member of my family. Who they are. Why I love them. Things I've learned from them. These types of things. I'll start at the youngest.

My younger brother Jaden is one of the best people I know. I only know three other people who are as unaffected by others' opinions, and they're all in my family too. He is 17 years old. He'll be 18 in July. He graduates from Springville High in May.

I get to go to his eagle court of honor tonight. He's had it mostly done for years now, but he finally finished it in true slow-bro fashion. The world just spins at a different pace for Jaden. That's one of the things I love most about him. He thinks for himself.

He loves few things as much as he loves basketball. You can try and credit three older brothers who also love it, but a love like Jaden has for it only comes from playing in the backyard until the sun tells you it's time to quit. I can't even count tell you how many times I come home and find Jaden in the backyard shooting all by himself. The kid loves basketball. He plays every chance he gets.

Another thing he loves is sleep. He loves it so much he sleeps through three alarms, fifteen rousings by my mom, and sometimes even from Aunt Liza. It's incredible. He was the only eight year old I've ever heard of that didn't want to get up on Christmas morning. He definitely gets this from my dad. The kid loves to sleep, and is dang good at it.

The kid also loves to have fun. He's one of the funniest, wittiest people I know. His jokes usually aren't loud, and if you're not careful you'll miss them, but I laugh harder at his than almost anyone's. He rarely misses out on a good time, because he's usually at the center of a good time.


He's only 17 and a half, but Jaden just gets it. He has his priorities straight and he just does what's right. He seems to have it figured out much quicker than most. He's quiet about it, but his actions show where his heart is. Family is a top priority to him. He'd rather spend time with his family than just about anything else. I've learned a lot from him in this regard. He came out to visit me with my mom in D.C. He's at every significant event of every family member. If he never said a word, and he doesn't normally share feelings like this, you'd know exactly how he felt about his family.


It's awesome to have a brother who's 8 years younger than you that teaches you how to be a man. I've learned a ton from Jaden, and I'm sure that will only continue. I tell everyone he's one of my best friends, and he is. There are few people I would rather spend time with than Jaden, and few may be too many. His ability to care for others inspires me. After all, he's the one that came up with our family motto, "Take care of each other". I want to be like him when I grow up.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Who's got two thumbs and loves holidays?

This guy!

I love the day off of school and work! You get to catch up on things that you haven't had time to do for a long time. It's wonderful. I have been studying, yes, but it's at home. I don't have to walk up to campus once today. I don't have to go to work. I don't have to leave my bedroom if I don't want to. I have, but only because I decided to. I have no obligations today :)

I would hate this for an extended period of time, but a day every now and then is one of my favorite things in the world. I love holidays!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A timeout for some Jazz

I can't believe I haven't already commented on this. The Utah Jazz are currently on a 9 game winning streak! They haven't lost since early January. When their streak began, they were in 11th place in the west and the playoffs were a serious question, maybe even in doubt. They are now solidly in third place in the west, one game out of second!

As I've watched bits and pieces of games, and studied box scores, there are a few things that stand out:

First, assists. The Jazz lead the league in assists per game. They average right around 27 assists every single game they play! That's incredible. Most games a team only makes about 35-40 shots, so for a team to assist on 27 of those shots is the epitome of team basketball. It's hard to beat a team that shares the ball that much.



Second, Andrei Kirilenko is playing like the all-star he was in the early 2000s. The guy is everywhere. His defense is back. He's scoring nearly 20 points a game during their streak. He's getting steals and blocks. Before the Clippers game last night he was shooting 82% from the field over the last eight games!! 82%!! Are you kidding me!? So, despite his best attempts to look like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber, he's playing some incredible basketball.







































Third, team defense. The Jazz are actually playing some pretty good team defense lately. I even saw Boozer block a shot the other day! If the Jazz could play solid defense consistently, they could beat anybody, except maybe the Timberwolves. :)



















The Jazz have a chance tonight to make it 10 straight by beating the Lakers. This would also help them in the western conference playoff race. GO JAZZ!!!

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Liberating Effect of Forfeiting Liberties

One of my new year's resolutions was to get a 4.0 this semester. I knew this would require a level of focus previously unknown to me. I have, quite possibly, my toughest class load yet. I'm taking 16 credits, working, and trying my best to fulfill my calling. Throw on some dating and basketball and I'm a pretty busy boy.

I sat down at the beginning of the semester and outlined my plan to achieve my goal of a 4.0. Many social activities were cut out. Televised sports have gone by the wayside. My sleeping patterns required rearranging. The library has become my home away from home. The 7th cubicle on the north side of the 5th floor has become my domain.

I worried that it would be difficult to maintain the level of focus I had the first couple weeks of the semester. I was at the library daily. I was ahead in every class and still working further ahead. I agonized over a missed point on a quiz. The result has surprised me. I still study a lot. There are still things I turn down for the sake of my goal. I've found, though, that I feel so much more free using this approach. I can choose which social activities I want to go to the most. I'm not at the mercy of a due date to determine leisure time. By forfeiting certain liberties that I haven't in the past, I feel like I am so much more in control of my life. I've become more free by forfeiting liberties.

This surprised me. It shouldn't. This is exactly how the gospel works. Heavenly Father gives us commandments to direct our focus. Yes, these commandments require us to give up certain things. Some liberties are removed by our desire to keep His commandments. There are weeks that I want to stay home and watch the NFL playoffs rather than go to church. There are nights that I don't want to go to institute. There are times when I feel like cussing, usually at myself. There's also no way in the world that I would ever do these things. I've learned over and over again that keeping His commandments makes me free.

I love it when things click in my head.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A difference of opinion

So, I went to the Jazz game last night. Fun game, win number 7 in a row! I love the Jazz. My Jazz love will have to be saved for another post, though. This post is about the ride home.

I went with my dad, my older brother, my youngest brother and a girl he brought. I was driving, my older brother was in the passenger seat, and the other three were in the back. I don't remember how it came up, but we started talking politics and such. My older brother has very opinionated views on all things politics. He has a very dim view of big government and "so-called democracy".

I am an international relations major, so I was unhesitatingly drawn into a debate. I disagree with many of his views, but it was very refreshing to talk to someone with such a different opinion. He wasn't just playing devil's advocate, either. He honestly believed what he was arguing, and I loved it!

I love differing opinions. Especially when you can have a respectful, open debate. I love it when people think for themselves and are willing to question things. Elder Enzio Busche said, "On the road to salvation, let questions arise, but never doubts." That's what I try to do. I love to think things through. I believe there is an immense value in the process of questioning the answers, researching, and coming to your own conclusion.

How many times are we counseled to do that in the scriptures?!

Moroni's promise exhorts us to read, ponder, and ask God. - Moroni 10:3-5

"You must study it out in your mind, then you must ask [God] if it be right." -D&C 9:8

Those are just a few examples. That is how it's supposed to work. Clarity and answers come as we think, study, and pray. Too often we skip the first two steps and just want the answers given to us. That's not real learning. Real learning takes place in the process, not in the answer.

Here's a toast to differing opinions!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

BYU's Bigs

Ok, I just got back from the BYU-TCU basketball game. I went with one of my best friends and we had front row seats, incredible! Thanks Ashley! I have followed BYU basketball very closely this year, but haven't had the opportunity to watch as many games as I would like. Obviously, BYU is very good this year. Their guard line is one of the best in the country. Jimmer Fredette is a National Player of the Year candidate. They're ranked #12 in the country. They're good. My question mark was their big men. I had my doubts about how far they could go with Chris Miles and Noah Hartsock and Jonathan Tavernari as their main contributors at the 4 and 5.

But after watching tonight, I'm very optimistic! It's true, Miles and Hartsock aren't scoring machines, but they don't need to be. They get plenty of scoring. I was extremely impressed with Miles and Hartsock on the defensive end. Their help defense on the high screens was smothering. They moved their feet well and forced the guards out way further than they wanted to be and still made it back to their man in time. Inside, they played solid defense without fouling, which will be crucial come tournament time.

It was very encouraging to see BYU's Bigs. I am believing more and more that this team could make some noise come March. Go Cougars!!

The NFL cares about the community

Love is like a frog

Ok, I've been thinking about this lately. I like to make analogies and theories in my head that make sense to me. Here's one of my new ones. Love is like a frog. A frog starts out as a tadpole. In the beginning, it is very limited in what it can do. It swims around, eats, and grows. It is very much concerned with survival and growth. Eventually, this tadpole starts to grow legs. It continues to develop until it becomes a frog, hopping all over the place and eating flies. It must learn how to use these new legs, though. Unfortunately, the only way to learn how to hop is trial and error. No matter how much a frog watches another frog hop, it will not be able to hop itself until it tries over and over again. This is, no doubt, a very painful process as it keeps making mistakes and landing on its face. Eventually, however, the frog becomes very adept at hopping.

Ok, here's how it made sense in my head. Love starts out very limited. When we start to understand love, in high school for example, it's like a tadpole. It is very limited in its scope and ability. We tend to look at love then as a benefit to us. "She loves me, and I like that. It benefits me to be in love."
As we grow, however, and learn more about ourselves and more about love, it starts to change shape completely. We start to realize that love is not a self-centered endeavor. We have to get out of the water that is so comfortable to us in order to get where we want to be. We also have to learn how to truly love. This is a painful process. You cannot really learn how to love by watching other people be in love. Yes, you may observe a few things that you want to do when you're in love, but the actual loving part is an experience that can only be perfected with practice. It is a trial and error process. We often become frustrated when relationships don't work out because we feel like we're back at square 1. As far as a relationship goes, you may be back at square 1, but as far as love goes, you're hopping right along.

Ok, let's break with the frog analogy. Learning to love, falling in love, and finding the person you want to spend eternity with are all daunting tasks. I admit to frustration over failed relationships. I hate the square 1 feeling. But when you meet someone new, and the excitement comes back, even stronger than it was before, the lessons you have learned about love will make an even sweeter experience.

I didn't used to like the idea of dating a girl that had dated a lot of guys. I felt like it would make it harder for her to fall in love with me because she would have so much to compare to and long for from previous relationships. I now understand that love builds on itself. Loving increases the ability to love. There is no limit to love. It's not like we all have $100 worth of love to give out how we choose. When we give love, we learn to love even more truly and unselfishly.

Then, when we find someone that truly loves us back, the trial and error process that hurt so much seems so worth it. We understand that without it, we would not have been prepared to love this person the way they deserve to be loved.

The heartache and pain we experienced in past relationships was because we would need that extra ability for the one we will ultimately find. We will be grateful that we kept hopping, because she is worth every fall on our face and more.

I may have fallen on my face a lot. It's taken me a while to learn how to hop really well. I'll tell you this, though, when I finally find the one I'm looking for, I will understand what I have. The pain of my learning process will be the best thing that ever happened to her. I'll be ready.