IF

So I memorized this poem recently:

If you can keep you head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

or being lied about don't deal in lies,

or being hated, don't give way to hating,

and yet don't look too good nor talk too wise.

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;

If you can think and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools.

If you make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

and lose, and start again at your beginnings,

and never breathe a word about your loss.

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the will which says to them, "Hold on".

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch;

If neither foe nor loving friend can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds worth of distance run,

Yours is the earth and everything that's in it.

And -- which is more -- you'll be a man my son!

I love this poem. This perspective reflects someone who has seen much of life and has gained wisdom from his experiences. I love to focus on one part at a time and see how I fare at that particular quality.

Today I was thinking about the line, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too." In many aspects of my life, this is a strength of mine. I am able to move forward with what I know is right regardless of outside opinions. In my dating life, however, this is a glaring weakness.

Let's put it this way, you don't get to be a single 26 year-old male by being awesome at dating. Questions and self-doubt inevitably creep in. "There's one common denominator in all of these failed relationships...me" is a common refrain. To compound the self-doubt, everyone else seems baffled that I can't seem to get this dating thing down. "You're such a catch!" "You're the type of guy that every mom wants their daughter to marry!" "You're going to make some girl so happy!" "You're the only guy I would let marry my sister!" and my personal favorite, "How are you NOT married?!" I've heard all of these in my life. I know the purpose of all of them is intended to be constructive, and if you have said one of these things to me it was taken how it was intended and I love you. It does, however, make me question what on earth is wrong with me! If I really am as eligible and desirable as everyone seems to think, I must really be screwing something up bad to be riding the single train into my late twenties!

This got me to thinking. It's just as important to trust yourself when no one else doubts you, but make allowance for their praising too. At the end of the day, I only care what two people think about my dating abilities. I talk with one of them every single day about it. His perspective is always refreshing and encouraging. He has my best interest in mind, and I trust His timing and advice above all else. His counsel will only help me get closer to finding the other person. My focus is on becoming rather than finding. I need to become who she wants before I can find who I want.

Someday I'll find her. Oh boy am I excited for that day! I can't wait to feel what it's like to give everything to a relationship and have the other person do the same! I can't wait for the day that I look at her and know she's the one I get to spend eternity with! I can't wait...but I will