Missionary Work and the Atonement

Why is missionary work so hard? President Eyring and Elder Holland answer that question masterfully. This video explains why tens of thousands of 19-year-old kids are willing to leave everything they know, put school on hold, leave loved ones behind, wake up at 6:30 every morning, knock doors until their knuckles bleed, stand in the freezing temperatures and street contact for hours, wear a white shirt and tie everyday, and miss Christmas with their families. Christ is the reason. He is who they testify of on those freezing streets and those unwelcoming doors.

There were hundreds of times on my mission when I relied on my knowledge of, my relationship with, and my love for, Him to push me a little bit further. There were many nights I would get home that I didn't think I could do it again the next day. It was too cold. My hands hurt too much. I knew I couldn't quit, though. I knew I wouldn't. He didn't. He never would quit on me or the people I was trying to find. It wasn't about me. He is the reason I served, as imperfectly as that may have been. He is still the reason I serve. He is reason I try to live the way I do. He lives, and I know it.

Powerless, Powerful Pain

Pain is a paradox, for simplicity's sake

In physical terms, it can cause you to quake

It can hinder your progress, or allow you to grow

In emotional terms, though, its true colors show

On the physical side we all can agree

It warns us of danger and to all it is free

Pain is a nuisance, but serves us the same

It holds nothing back from the sickly or lame

Physical pain we may well understand

but emotional pain is like drawing in sand

Swept clean with time by the reliable tide

We give anew our heart when in others we confide

Loving another, we're always hoping to find

the oft-spoken of joy and longed-for return in kind

The kind that will last will last when everything fails

But how many times must we start anew down these trails?

I believe in a God with unlimited power to heal

but during that process, please just don't let me feel

I have given my heart holding none of it back

but the one that I love is on a different track

I love her too much to ever force a decision

but in the meantime, my heart seems in a prison

Unable to leave and abandon the memories

It seems I am living repeating histories

This road is familiar no matter my disdain

For I know it is riddled with potholes and pain

But in the depths of my heart, I wait to hear her say

"I'm ready, best friend, to marry you today."

I have no control over any but me

but please, Father, just help me see

If start again I must, then that I will do

for my ultimate goal is to be like You.

I trust in the end it will be for my good

but my fire, right now, is starving for wood

I'll trust in Thy wisdom, that it will be for my gain

but right now all I feel is this powerless, powerful pain.

The Foggy Lens of Personal Experience

Ok, I've been thinking again. Consider yourself warned.

I went to institute last night and we were talking about the first few chapters of Genesis. We got to the part about Noah. The instructor showed this picture:

He asked what this was a picture of and several people in the class blurted out that this was Noah preaching to the people of the upcoming flood. He then joked that when he was a missionary he showed this picture during a discussion and asked the same question and a child answered that this was a guy telling a story of how big the fish he had caught was. Everyone laughed. This is where I started thinking. Was the child wrong? From his experience, that's what the picture meant to him. As adults, we look at the partially constructed ark in the background, factor in that we're in a religious class, see the people laughing, and make the judgement that this must be Noah. Is someone out there wishing that we would see more? Just like we thought it was funny that all the little child could see was a "fish tale", is our perception of this picture limited by the perspective of our personal experience?

This got me thinking about more things than I can count. Is there a principle here? Does this apply to pretty much everything we do? I believe it does. Here's an example of my logic:

I'm currently reading a book about the Willie and Martin Handcart companies. It's called "The Price We Paid" and it's fantastic. I recommend it. Anyway, most of us know the general story of these ill-fated companies. As I was reading last night, this principle jumped out to me again. Having run out of food and freezing, the companies were dependent on the rescue teams that had been sent from Salt Lake to aid them. Many miracles occurred in conjunction with these events. I want to focus on one that made me cry.

The rescue teams left Salt Lake with 14 wagons full of food and supplies. The Handcart companies were roughly in the middle of Wyoming. Winter was coming on, and winter on the high plains of Wyoming is even more bitter. The handcart companies had run out of food and many had died and others were on death's doorstep. The rescue team travelled as quickly as they could to reach these companies, still not fully realizing the trouble they were in. At one critical point, Captain Grant (the leader of the rescue team) instructed several wagons to set up a checkpoint of sorts and wait there for the handcart companies to get there. The rest of the rescue team would travel ahead and meet them. This checkpoint company would provide much needed assistance for the last leg of the journey.

A few days after being left to establish the checkpoint, a winter storm hit the rescuers. They hunkered down and tried to stay warm. The other rescuers did eventually meet up with the handcart companies and finally realized the gravity of their situation. Captain Grant realized the divine origin of President Brigham Young's counsel to set up a checkpoint. Having done what they could for the Willie company, the rescuers continued on to find the Martin company, roughly 100 miles behind. During the time, the checkpoint rescuers wondered what was taking so long.

Winter storms had left a lot of snow and temperatures were sub-zero nearly all the time. After about three weeks of waiting in the bitter cold, most of the checkpoint rescuers came to the conclusion that the handcart companies had either stopped someplace for the winter, or had died along the trail. They determined to go back to Salt Lake. They tried to persuade all of the remaining checkpoint rescuers to go with them. One man, though, Reddick Allred, would not hear it. He had been asked by his Priesthood leaders to stay and he intended to do it.

Reddick Newton Allred

The story of Reddick Allred is especially interesting. The day after the rescue party left Salt Lake, Reddick felt an unusual pain in his chest and side. He had pleurisy. This is an inflammation around the lungs that makes every inhalation extremely painful. Being only a day from Salt Lake, he could have turned around and gotten the rest required to get better. He didn't, though.

The rest of the checkpoint rescuers left the checkpoint and headed back to Salt Lake with their wagons and supplies. Not only did they leave, but they met 77 other rescue wagons on the trail that they persuaded to turn around and abandon the rescue mission on their way back. Reddick Allred stayed. When the handcart companies arrived at his checkpoint, hundreds of lives were saved by the provisions and supplies he was able to give them. He couldn't relieve all their suffering, but he did enough to save hundreds of them.

I'm sure that during those freezing, lonely weeks on high plains of Wyoming, Reddick Allred wondered if the handcart companies had indeed stopped for the winter. What amazes me about this story, though, is that despite all logical reasoning, Reddick Allred refused to limit his view to his personal perspective. He trusted that someone could see more than him. He believed that the instruction he had been given came from people who were called by God. This belief guided his actions when every bit of logic seemed to say the opposite. Surely he knew that staying in the frozen wilderness for weeks with pleurisy was dangerous. Of course he could reason that going back provided him the best chance of survival. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, though, he trusted.

His diligence in following the counsel of his leaders saved the lives of hundreds of people. How do you think those who left felt when they heard of this story? How do you think they felt when they met the handcart pioneers who had lost loved ones and frozen body parts during those fateful weeks?

There is power in obedience, even when you don't completely understand the request. Trust that someone does. Believe that maybe you can't see everything. Maybe your personal experiences are limiting your view. Maybe you are looking through the foggy lens of personal experience.

The Butterfly Circus

I know this is a bit long, but you won't regret it. All of us, to an extent, are like the people in this movie. We focus too much on the things we can't do.

I definitely felt like that as a missionary, especially at first. I couldn't speak Bulgarian, I didn't really like the food, I wasn't good at getting up early, etc. There was a reason I was called to Bulgaria, though, and it's because Heavenly Father knew me well enough to know that I could do something. I remember very well my "sink or swim" moments.

This has been a pattern throughout my life. The moments when I feel like I've been left laying on the rocks usually become critical moments in my life. Heavenly Father knows me and is willing to let me lay there until I'm ready to do something about it because He knows that's what I need to progress. His goal is my eternal progression and exaltation, not my momentary comfort. I love Him for that!

The Joys of Moving

So I've been packing up a bunch of my stuff in preparation for moving in a couple weeks and I've found some great stuff!

Here are my missionary name tags. So many good memories associated with these babies!

Here's one of those memories:

I was at my last zone conference of my mission and feeling really, really sad about my mission drawing to a close. My mission president (President Johnson) had spoken about how there are a lot of really good people on missions, but very few really good missionaries. It was a great talk that left us all wanting to be better and work harder.

Now, President Johnson was not a man of many words. One of those people that when they speak everyone listens because it's gonna be good. He never let me down. After the zone conference as people were milling about and getting ready to catch their buses back to their respective cities, I got a chance to speak with President Johnson.

As we were talking, President Johnson looked me straight in the eye and said, "Elder Walker, I said there are very few really good missionaries, but you are one of the few because you served the second name on your tag, not the first. Thank you."

No one has given me a better compliment before or since. I knew President Johnson didn't say things just to say them. President Johnson had seen me at my best and at my worst, and his sincere comment meant the world to me. I had given everything I had to serving the Master, and President Johnson was my angel that day.

The hours and hours of tracting, the street contacting in the freezing winters, the countless prayers on worn-out knees, and the pleading for help when I didn't think I could do another day all fell into place perfectly. It was all worth it. I loved the Master and had served Him with everything I had, and one of His servants validated my efforts that day. I'll never forget it. Like I said, so many good memories come to mind when I see these tags!

Moving to Minnesota!

So I got my work assignment this week. I'm moving to Minnesota and I couldn't be more excited! I know for a lot of people Minnesota would be on their top 40 list of states that they want to move to or even visit, but it fits me perfectly and I love it! I love the cold winters, I love the 10,000 lakes to fish and swim in, I love the four major sports teams, I love the laid back feel of it, I just fit in there. It's a great match!

I move out there in September, so I'd love to see all of you before I go! If any of you have lived in, or been to, Minnesota, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

Awesome Quote

So, I'm currently reading "Democracy in America" by Alexis de Tocqueville. I loved this quote from the book:

"From the time when the exercise of the intellect became a source of strength and of wealth, we see that every addition to science, every fresh truth, and every new idea became a germ of power placed within the reach of the people. Poetry, eloquence, and memory, the graces of the mind, the fire of imagination, depth of thought, and all the gifts which Heaven scatters at a venture turned to the advantage of democracy; and even when they were in the possession of its adversaries, they still served its cause by throwing into bold relief the natural greatness of man. Its conquests spread, therefore, with those of civilization and knowledge; and literature became and arsenal open to all, where the poor and the weak daily resorted for arms."

Love it!

I get to read again!

I'm done with school, so now I get to choose my own books. I'll put which ones I'm reading so any people following this can share their thoughts on the books.

I just finished reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I loved it! It talks about how we define success and provides some interesting perspectives on predictors and determinants of success. I really liked it. He talks about how the time of year you were born, your upbringing, and cultural legacy can have a major effect on your success. It was a compelling argument.

I found the cultural legacy section very interesting. He talks about how family legacies and the cultures that your family comes from can have a major effect on your life success. He provides many examples throughout history to explain his reasoning.

Malcolm Gladwell is not LDS, but his argument made me think of another example, Joseph Smith. He came from a poor, farming family where work was required. Religion was also an important part of his legacy. Not organized religion, per se, but he read the Bible growing up. This was a cultural legacy of his family. Had this legacy not existed, he would never have read James 1:5. Think of the impact that cultural legacy had not only on Joseph Smith, but on the world. These legacies play an important role in all of our lives, whether we recognize it or not.

I would definitely recommend this book, but it has to be accompanied by a lot of questions and even more thinking. There's a lot of really interesting things in this book that I think are valuable. Good book!

I'm currently reading The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara. It's about the Civil War. Historical non-fiction is definitely my favorite genre of book, and I'm loving this one! It tells the story of the Battle of Gettysburg from the perspective of some of the main players, basically generals from both sides. It's very interesting and engaging. I'll share more thoughts as I continue reading it.

My New Quest...which I offered myself...and which I already chose to accept

For the rest of 2011, I will eat no sweets. No store-bought candy. No homemade brownies, cookies, or other delights. I have become very good friends with Double-Stuffed Oreos as of late. I've been best friends with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for a long time, and this newfound friendship with Oreos has got me thinking. I just need a break. It's time for me to take some me time and just think about things. This time away will be beneficial. It will allow me to hang out with someone I hate much less...my gut. That's the problem with these friends of mine. You can't hang out with them without also hanging out with Mr. Spare Tire. I've decided it's not worth it anymore. I'm going to rediscover my younger days.

Ok, enough cryptic talk. I'll start updating my blog with thoughts and other updates during this quest of mine. Should be fun. This quest will also be accompanied by working out a lot more and eating smaller portions. I haven't done awesome at the smaller portions thing quite yet (read: I've been terrible at it), but that will change. I'm excited for this challenge. Wish me luck!!

Life is busy!

Sometimes I look at my blog and am shocked that it's been months since I posted. Life gets so busy! Here's what I've been up to for the last little while:

School - I spend my fair share of time studying and writing papers. The end is in sight, though, and I'm trying to bust my butt to the finish.

Work - Same ole same ole here

Getting better - I injured my back about a month ago and I haven't played basketball since as I try to recover. I've become good friends with the elliptical machine. We may stay friends even after the back is better.

The Stock Market - I got my tax return and decided to start learning about the stock market. I invested most of my return and have made some good returns on it already. If any of you are into the stock market and have a bit of an aggressive side, I would recommend buying yourself some OTOW. It's looking great!

Those are some of the things I've been up to lately. I'll try and be more regular in posting.

Also, question for the day: If you could go anywhere in the world right now for two weeks, where would it be and why? I've been itching to go Maui and Italy lately. I'd choose Maui if I had to choose right now. You?