Hope is the Hero's Domain

I love quotes, and I love reading. I was recently looking through some old quotes I had written down from books I've read. Here are two that I especially loved:

"...as ordinary as we might be, we can, if we choose, take the harder road, walk forth bravely under the indifferent stars. We can hazard the ravages of chance. We can choose to endure what seems unendurable, and thereby open up the possibility of prevailing. We can awaken to the world as it is, and, seeing it with eyes wide open, we can nevertheless embrace hope rather than despair. When all is said and done... hope is the hero’s domain and not the fool’s. Because we dare to hope—even when doing so might undo us—we leave the worlds we create behind us, swirling in our wakes, eternal and effervescent with the beauty of our aspirations.”

-Daniel James Brown, The Indifferent Stars Above

“You have to study and learn so that you can make up your own mind about history and everything else but you can’t make up an empty mind. Stock your mind, stock your mind. It is your house of treasure and no one in the world can interfere with it. If you won the Irish Sweepstakes and bought a house that needed furniture would you fill it with rubbish? Your mind is your house and if you fill it with rubbish from the cinemas it will rot in your head. You might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace.”

-Frank McCourt, Angela's Ashes

And this is why I love reading.

Am I excited for General Conference?

Does a one-legged duck swim in a cirlce?! Yes, I'm excited. Very excited. I love General Conference more than warm chocolate chip cookies and a giant glass of cold milk. Questions will be answered, the spirit will be felt, and life will be better.

I didn't always love conference as much as I do now, though. I remember growing up, the reason I loved conference was because I didn't have to put church clothes on and go to church. I got to lay on my couch in whatever clothes I wanted, curl up with my favorite blanket, and sleep for two good hours. Then I would wake up, have a delicious meal, and promptly retire to the same couch for another uninterrupted two-hour nap. When I started to get a little older, my mom started interrupting my naps periodically, but they were still delightful. That all changed one year.

I was a sophomore in high school. At this point in my life I was making a slightly more diligent effort to stay awake, but I was by no means the model conference watcher. I went to the Priesthood Session with my dad and my brothers as was the tradition. I was already looking forward to our semi-annual Fuddruckers trip after the session. The metal chairs in the back of the dark chapel are much harder to sleep on than my self-contoured couch at home. Plus, I had made a personal commitment not only to stay awake, but to pay attention the whole time. The last three speakers of every Priesthood Session are the First Presidency. At the time, they were Pres. Faust, Pres. Monson, and Pres. Hinckley. I don't remember what Pres. Faust talked about, but I remember being captivated. I couldn't look away. I don't remember a single word he said, but I distinctly remember how I felt. Pres. Monson then spoke about Priesthood Power. I don't remember much of that talk either. I've always loved Pres. Monson's talks, though, and been impressed by his lifelong commitment to the Spirit. Pres. Hinckley spoke about why we do some of the things we do. Again, much of what was said has slipped my memory. I need to go back and review those talks, but their impact changed my life.

I remember watching those three men speak. It all became so clear. They were actually what I had believed all along. They were Heavenly Father's servants on earth. They speak with Him. The impact of this knowledge changed my perspective. There are actually people on earth who receive instruction from Heavenly Father for His church. These instructions were not just for members of the "Mormon" church. These men spoke in behalf of Heavenly Father and He was the Father of everyone on earth. This is why it was so important to my parents and grandparents to watch and pay attention to conference. It was more than something they were "supposed" to do.

This experience changed the way I look at a lot of things. I now look forward to conference. I relish the opportunity to listen. I have no problem staying awake anymore. Answers come and I understand their source now. The talks we get to hear this weekend will provide direction from a Heavenly Father that knows us individually and cares about our individual progress. Booyah! Here's to an amazing conference weekend!

Priesthood

I've been studying President Packer's talk from the last conference for the last couple weeks. It's called "The Power of the Priesthood" and it's got me thinking a lot. It's an incredible talk and I would encourage you all to read it. I've been impressed with how much the Priesthood is about doing the things that Christ would do and standing in His place. Given my writing kick as of late, I wrote a poem about my thoughts on what it means to hold His Priesthood:

To do the things that He would do;

To be aware of the silent few;

To use my hands in His behalf

To bless the wheat and tare and chaff;

To use my strength and heart and time

To aid His children on their climb;

To lift the weary, wandering soul

Closer to Him, that is my role.

To say the things that He would say

Both in my prayers and throughout the day;

To choose my words most carefully

So those who hear know whose I be;

To seek His guidance every day

At work, at school, or at play;

To praise His name, but even more

Let my deeds reflect whom I adore.

To be the places He would be;

To serve His children cheerfully;

If ever I'm inclined to sin

I pray my better part will win;

I promise to devote my days

to build His kingdom in simple ways;

Bearing His priesthood isn't free

And this is what it means to me.

My Pledge

So, I've been thinking a lot lately and been on a bit of a writing kick. Here's the latest:

To live as gently as I can;
To be, no matter where, a man;
To take what comes of good or ill
And cling to faith and honor still;
To do my best, and let that stand
The record of my brain and hand;
And then, should failure come to me
Still work and hope for victory.To have no secret place wherein
I stoop unseen to shame or sin;
To be the same when I'm alone
As when my every deed is known;
To live undaunted, unafraid
Of any step that I have made;
To be without pretense or sham,
Exactly what men think I am.To leave some simple mark behind,
To keep my having lived in mind;
If enmity to aught I show,
To be an honest, generous foe,
To play my little part, nor whine
That greater honors are not mine.
This, I believe, is all I need
For my philosophy and creed.

I always want to become better than I am. The effort will always be there. :)

IF

So I memorized this poem recently:

If you can keep you head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

or being lied about don't deal in lies,

or being hated, don't give way to hating,

and yet don't look too good nor talk too wise.

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;

If you can think and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools.

If you make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

and lose, and start again at your beginnings,

and never breathe a word about your loss.

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the will which says to them, "Hold on".

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch;

If neither foe nor loving friend can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds worth of distance run,

Yours is the earth and everything that's in it.

And -- which is more -- you'll be a man my son!

I love this poem. This perspective reflects someone who has seen much of life and has gained wisdom from his experiences. I love to focus on one part at a time and see how I fare at that particular quality.

Today I was thinking about the line, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too." In many aspects of my life, this is a strength of mine. I am able to move forward with what I know is right regardless of outside opinions. In my dating life, however, this is a glaring weakness.

Let's put it this way, you don't get to be a single 26 year-old male by being awesome at dating. Questions and self-doubt inevitably creep in. "There's one common denominator in all of these failed relationships...me" is a common refrain. To compound the self-doubt, everyone else seems baffled that I can't seem to get this dating thing down. "You're such a catch!" "You're the type of guy that every mom wants their daughter to marry!" "You're going to make some girl so happy!" "You're the only guy I would let marry my sister!" and my personal favorite, "How are you NOT married?!" I've heard all of these in my life. I know the purpose of all of them is intended to be constructive, and if you have said one of these things to me it was taken how it was intended and I love you. It does, however, make me question what on earth is wrong with me! If I really am as eligible and desirable as everyone seems to think, I must really be screwing something up bad to be riding the single train into my late twenties!

This got me to thinking. It's just as important to trust yourself when no one else doubts you, but make allowance for their praising too. At the end of the day, I only care what two people think about my dating abilities. I talk with one of them every single day about it. His perspective is always refreshing and encouraging. He has my best interest in mind, and I trust His timing and advice above all else. His counsel will only help me get closer to finding the other person. My focus is on becoming rather than finding. I need to become who she wants before I can find who I want.

Someday I'll find her. Oh boy am I excited for that day! I can't wait to feel what it's like to give everything to a relationship and have the other person do the same! I can't wait for the day that I look at her and know she's the one I get to spend eternity with! I can't wait...but I will

Should We Be Reflectors?

Ok, here goes nothing. You have often heard space described as dark. You look into the night sky and see millions of little white dots surrounded by endless black. It would seem that most of space is empty. Stars and planets are millions of miles apart and the rest of space is empty, right? I disagree. Space if full of light. If you were to put a heavenly body (by this I mean anything that has mass and is floating in space) into space, it would be illuminated. You would be able to see it, would you not? Isn't that what the moon is? The moon does not produce light, it is simply an entity in space. We see it very brightly, however, because light is reflecting off of it. Well, in order for light to be reflecting off of the moon, logic and reason would tell us that the light was there before, it just wasn't reflecting off of anything and, thus, we couldn't see it.

The same logic would apply to the earth and all the other planets. Why can we see Mars from earth? Mars does not produce light. Why could the astronauts take a picture of the earth from space? The earth does not produce light. Let's say for a moment that the earth were 4 million miles further away from the sun, would it still be visible from a space shuttle? Of course it would! Regardless of where we put the earth, light from the sun is still going to reflect off it and make it "visible".

So, space is full of light, but that light is imperceptible unless it is reflecting off something. Is that true? I believe so. On earth, everything we see is only light reflected off an object with mass. Even the sky is light reflecting off our atmosphere. Light is everywhere, but cannot be perceived without objects to reflect off of.

I believe this has a gospel parallel. We often hear Christ referred to as the Light of the World. I think Christ's love is an extension of this light analogy. As we just discussed, light is everywhere. It fills all of space. Light, however, is imperceptible without reflectors. Likewise, Christ's love is manifested through His faithful followers. We are the "reflectors" that make the Light perceptible to those who see the world as a dark void.

I'd love to hear thoughts, rebuttals, and/or other parallels about this thought. What do you think?

Jesse

It's been a while since my last post. That happens. Sorry.

Jesse is the next in line. He turns 22 on July 22. He's living in Provo and working at Andy Anderson's shop. Trying to describe Jesse in a few paragraphs is going to be very hard, so I'll try and capture at least the biggest things, according to me.

Jesse walks his own path. He'll never do something just because everyone else is doing it, for better or worse. He'll think it through, and choose for himself. He is not easily influenced by the opinion's of others. If I had to, I would designate Jesse as the most fiery sibling. He can have a short temper, but also has a heart of gold. He always has the back of the people he cares about the most. There are few people I would rather have on my side in a fight than Jesse.

Jesse is one of my best friends. We've been playing basketball together for so many years I lost track. Watching Jesse play basketball brings me so much happiness. He plays the game the same way he does everything else, at an energy level unmatchable by most humans. He's in on every rebound, every fastbreak, and all over the floor defensively. We call him the matrix because he's everywhere. It's not that he doesn't get tired, he just doesn't slow down when he does like everyone else. He can push himself further when he's tired than most people I know.

Jesse's a deep thinker. I love talking to him because I often leave with a different point of view on something. He often provides angles that I had left unexamined. I appreciate that a lot. It is my opinion that most people suck at thinking. Jesse is not one of those people. While we don't agree on everything, he thinks a lot and I love it. I actually think the fact that we don't agree on everything as evidence that we both think past the surface. At some point past the surface, our thoughts took a different fork and ended up at different destinations, but the process was the same.

Jesse is also one of the most loyal people I know. He and Matt Nielsen have been best friends since forever. When they were younger, you'd never find one without the other. They're a bit older now, and they may not always be physically together, but they are fiercely loyal. They would do anything for the other and they know it. They are the best friends I know. Seeing their friendship inspires me to be a better friend.